


Falling For the Lifeguard

by alexandra__spamilton



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Gay Remus Lupin, Gay Sirius Black, Hogwarts, Lifeguards, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Summer, Werewolves, Wizards, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:28:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21525250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexandra__spamilton/pseuds/alexandra__spamilton
Summary: When Sirius is trying to occupy his summer holiday with activities that keep him out of his parent's house, he stumbles across an incredibly fit lifeguard named Remus Lupin.
Relationships: James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 53





	1. 1

Sirius hated being home for the summer holiday. He never wanted to be in that house with those people for longer than he had to. So, he set out to find something to do. Travelling to muggle London, he decided to visit somewhere new each day. He’d wander into bakeries and sit on park benches. He’d check out the fit blokes at various gyms. One day, he stumbled across a community pool. Ordinarily, the thought of hundreds of strangers pissing in an outdoor bath would make him sick, but there was something that drew him in. The lifeguard. He was perched on his stand, whistle in mouth, shirt off, abs on full display. Sirius felt his mouth go dry, and he knew it wasn’t from the summer heat. Sirius thought about drowning himself just so he could get mouth to mouth from this bloke, but then he realized how tragic it would be if this bloke turned out to be shit at his job and Sirius actually died. Sirius settled for just sitting in the shade and observing. He took his shirt off to avoid weird tan lines, but he wasn’t prepared to swim, as he didn’t even have a towel. He watched children splash each other, letting his eyes wander to the fit lifeguard every so often. Occasionally, the lifeguard was looking back at Sirius and they’d make eye contact.

Sirius returned to that same pool the next day, this time, however, he was dressed for it. He set his stuff at a folding chair in the shade and made his way to the diving boards. Climbing to the top of the high dive, Sirius made sure the lifeguard’s eyes were focused on him before he gracefully dove into the pool. Proceeding to swim to the edge, Sirius then decided he’d hoist himself out of the pool in the sexiest way possible. He failed miserably. His chest was scraped from being rubbed against the concrete lip of the pool and his foot got caught, causing him to tumble back to the ground. He could feel the sting of open wounds that he was sure would begin bleeding any second. He didn’t know what to do. Suddenly, the sun moved behind a shadow, causing Sirius to look up. He gasped. It wasn’t just a momentary cloud passing over the sun, it was the shadow of the lifeguard. He extended a hand, which Sirius gladly took.

“You took quite a spill just then, are you alright, mate?” asked the lifeguard once he’d helped Sirius back up on his feet.

“Oh, um, uh, ‘m fine,” Sirius stammered. 

“Are you sure? Because the blood dripping down your chest tells me otherwise.”

“Right, well, other than that, I’m okay?”

“Let me help you. It’s my job, after all,” the lifeguard smirked, once again grabbing Sirius’ hand and leading him into a small room. 

“I’m Sirius,” he blurted into the silence.

“Sorry?”

“No, that’s uh, that’s my name. Sirius Black.”

“Right. Well, I’m Remus. Remus Lupin.” Merlin, even his name was sexy.

“It’s good to meet you, Remus Lupin,” Sirius said. Remus smirked.

“You too. So, I’m going to grab the first-aid kit from the other room, I’ll be right back.” 

“Thanks,” Sirius called after him. What the bloody hell is bloody wrong with me? Here I am, alone with this fit lifeguard--both of us half-naked already--and I’m talking like a fool. Sirius groaned.

“Uh, hey, is everything okay?” Sirius’ head snapped up, aware that he was no longer alone.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, sorry just thinking,” Sirius said, wondering how long the lifeguard had been standing there.

“Okay, well, I’m going to start by disinfecting your chest. It’s probably going to sting a little bit.”

Sirius nodded, steeling himself, hoping not to wimper in front of this man.

Remus began to pour disinfectant on a paper towel, swiftly moving his hand to Sirius’ chest, dabbing gently. Sirius flinched. Remus paused, saying, “Oh, I’m sorry, I could go more slowly?”

“No, it’s not that,” Sirius said, still feeling the memory of Remus’ skin on his. Remus used his free hand to tilt Sirius’ chin up.

“Look into my eyes, it’ll help get your mind off of the sting.”

Sirius gulped. Nodding, he met Remus’ eyes, getting lost in them immediately.

“So, I haven’t seen you around before, are you new to the area?”

“No. Well, sort of?”

“Care to elaborate?” Remus chuckled.

“I mean, I go to a boarding school. And I hate my family and they hate me, so I’ve been trying to find things to do, and yesterday I found this place. Normally, I’d deem community pools unsanitary, but something about this place seems charming,” Sirius stopped talking, fully aware he was babbling.

All of a sudden, Remus’ hand was on Sirius’ knee. Sirius coughed. “You scraped your knees pretty badly as well,” Remus said, poking around.

“I’m a mess today. I’m not usually like this.”

“Oh yeah? Well, what’s different about today, then?”

“I dunno, maybe it’s a full moon, weird shit is supposed to happen on full moons, right?” Sirius joked. Remus stopped poking around Sirius’ knee.

“It’s not a full moon, trust me,” Remus said, his voice cold.

“Right, well maybe I just couldn’t help myself then.”

“Couldn’t help yourself from what?”

“From falling for you,” Sirius finished, grinning like a five year old.

“Woah, you just went for it then, didn’t you?”

“I mean you’re the one holding my hand and caressing my chest and telling me to look into your eyes while you touch my knees!”

“Fair point,” Remus said, smiling.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, but I dunno if I’ll answer you.”

“Fair. How’d you get so good at dealing with cuts and scrapes if you’re a lifeguard? I mean do they have to train you for it?”

“Oh, um, I dunno, I guess I’m equally as accident prone as you are,” Remus shrugged, and for the first time Sirius noticed all of the scars on the lifeguard’s body. 

“Wow,” Sirius said, breathlessly. He reached a hand out, absentmindedly, to trace over one of Remus’ scars. “Okay, but your scars are hot, mine are from like falling on my face twelve times a week.”

“Mine are what?” Remus asked, his face turning red.

“Hot. Like sexy? I dunno, I swear I didn’t even notice them until you pointed them out to me.”

“How could you not notice? They’re everywhere,” Remus said, his confidence wavering momentarily.

“I just wasn’t looking for them, I guess.”

“So, you go to boarding school?”

“Yeah, it’s really obscure. I’m sure you wouldn’t know it,” Sirius said.

“Try me.”

“It’s um, it’s got a weird name.”

“I won’t judge you for the name of your school. I know we just met, but I’m not a prick.”

“Hogwarts,” Sirius said, promising himself that if Remus asked him to say it again he’d make something else up.

Remus’ eyes got big. “No shit?”

“Have you heard of it?” Sirius asked, in a semi-panic.

“My father went there,” Remus offered.

“Seriously?”

“Yes, Sirius, I’m serious.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Wow that’s the first time I’ve heard that one.”

“Anyway, I was accepted, but had to decline due to extenuating circumstances. Don’t ask.”

“You were pregnant, got it.”

“Yeah, we’ll go with that.”

“Also, not that I don’t really enjoy talking to you, but don’t you have to get back out there?”

“Nah, I asked Stace to cover for me,” Remus said.

“Stace?”

“Yeah, the blonde with the legs? She’s pretty unmissable.”

“Can’t say the same, because clearly I have no recollection of a leggy blonde.”

“Right, you only have eyes for me, I remember.”

“Truly, I do,” Sirius winked. Suddenly, the sound of three rapid whistles make Remus jump to his feet. 

“Shit, someone’s drowning, I have to go. Hey, I get off around seven tonight, are you busy?” Remus asked, running to the door.

“Yeah, busy avoiding my so-called family, but that’s always more fun with company.”

“Meet me in the parking lot at 7:07.”

“Weirdly, specific, but I’m in,” Sirius smiled.


	2. 2

Sirius left the pool after the drowning incident, summoning his stuff and apparating to James’ house. 

“Oh Jamsieeeeee!” Sirius called out into his best mate’s house, feeling too lazy to look for him.

“Oi, Sirius, is that you?” James called from the kitchen. The clanging of dishes could be heard, and Sirius assumed it was from the hustle-and-bustle of the house elves hard at work. 

“James, have I got news for you,” Sirius said, running into the kitchen to find his friend with a bewildered look on his face. Looking around, Sirius noticed that there was an unusual lack of house elves in the Potter’s kitchen. “Hold on, mate, did I interrupt something here?” 

James sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “I mean…”

“James! Do you have a girl here? What about Evans? She will never love you back if you act like this when she’s not around!”

“Simmer down, Black. Evans knows I have a girl here,” James smirked. It took a minute for realization to fall upon Sirius.

“Oh. Oh! Well, where is she, then?” Sirius began opening cupboards and looking under the table.

“I had to use the loo. Hello, Sirius, it’s a pleas--well, anyhow,” Lily said, waving to Sirius as she walked back into the kitchen. Her cheeks were red and her hair was mussed, but Sirius could tell she had tried to fix it, so he didn’t comment.

“Charming, this one. You can really pick them, James,” Sirius teased.

“You had news?” James asked as he put his arms around Lily, holding her like she was the air his lungs needed.

“Oh, right. Well, I met that bloke. You know, the one from the pool that I mentioned yesterday? And long story short, he wants to go out tonight.”

“Aw, Sirius, that’s wonderful!” Lily beamed. “Is he a muggle?”

“I don’t think so. I mean he said his father went to Hogwarts, and that he had been accepted there, but had to turn it down. I didn’t want to pry, it seemed like he wasn’t interested in getting into it,” Sirius admitted.

“Do you mean to tell me that he survived turning down a school as persistent as Hogwarts? They usually don’t stop pestering people until they give in,” James said incredulously. 

“Yeah, it is something to think about,” Sirius mused. “Anyhow, when the bloody hell were you going to tell me about this? And how long has it been going on?” Sirius bellowed, gesturing to James and Lily. 

“He finally wore me down last week. Petunia was going off about the inconvenience of owl shit on her car, a lovely by-product of the relentless volumes of letters James was sending me, and I realized I no longer felt the way about James that I feel about Petunia. I mean, he’s very handsome, and he’s tall, and well, anyway, I found myself on his doorstep one morning. I knocked on the door, and the rest is history.” Lily looked up at James, who bent his neck in order to kiss her. Looked quite painful, honestly.

“Right, well, what do I wear for this date? And can I use your shower? And do you have any money I can borrow? Mine is all in the vault and I don’t have time to get it out.” Sirius peeled off his sticky shirt, making his way past the cooing lovebirds and toward the shower.

“Hold on mate, what happened? Did your family do something again? I told you to come live with me, it’s not an imposition. Sirius--”

“Calm down, James. I appreciate your concern, but this is really from falling down at the pool. That’s how I met Remus, he cleaned me up after.”

“And you’re sure your brother didn’t follow you there and push you down? You simply fell?”

“I swear on all of the money in your parents’ vault at Gringotts.”

***  
Sirius checked his watch for the fifth time that minute. 7:06. He was feeling anxious about going anywhere with Remus, but it wasn’t a bad feeling. He was excited, which, admittedly scared him, because he isn’t known for having the best track record when it came to relationships.

“Hello, stranger.” The raspy voice sent chills down Sirius’ spine. He turned to see Remus standing behind him.

“Well, hello there,” Sirius smiled.

“Are you hungry?”

Sirius snorted. “When am I not?”

“Right, well, I know this really good pizza place around the corner that we could go to?”

“Pizza?” Sirius had always wanted to try pizza, but no one ever gave him the opportunity. “Let’s go.”

“Come on, then,” Remus smirked, holding out his hand for Sirius to take.

“Lead the way,” Sirius smiled, lacing his fingers with the taller boy’s.

Once inside the pizza shop, Sirius couldn’t believe how good it smelled. He just kept inhaling every chance he got. 

“Two, please,” Remus said to the hostess who led them to their seats.

“I’ll let you look over the menu and I’ll send a waitress back in a few minutes to take your order,” She said.

“What sounds good?” Remus asked Sirius.

“All of it.”

“Well, then that’s what we’ll get.” 

Sirius didn’t know what Remus meant by that until the waitress came around. “Hi, I’m Karen. I’ll be your waitress for tonight. What can I start you all off with to drink?”

“Water, please.” Remus and Sirius said at the same time.

“Alrighty, and are you ready to order?”

“Yes, we will take an extra large with everything on it,” Remus said. Karen wrote down the order and walked away. 

“So, have you ever had pizza before?” Sirius asked, unaware that it was a staple in most people’s diets.

Remus choked on his water. “What?”

“Pizza. I’ve never had it, I was simply wondering if you’d had it before or not.”

“Uh, yeah, I’ve had pizza before. How have you not? I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone that’s never had pizza before, actually.”

“It’s just not something they serve at school. And our hou--um, the help has never made it before, either.” Sirius said.

“You have people that cook for you?” Remus asked, his tone a little condescending.

“I mean, we’re having people cook for us right now, aren’t we?” Sirius challenged, his voice level.

“I guess. So you don’t have a job, I’m assuming.”

“There aren’t really job opportunities for people in my um, people who are, well, until we graduate, we can’t really do much. They don’t want to risk anyone accidentally using their, well… it’s harder to contain our, ma--hey, how about we talk about you?” Sirius asked, hoping this night didn’t end in disaster.

“What do you want to know?”

“Can I ask about your scars?” Sirius whispered, not wanting to upset Remus any further than he seemed to be.

“Not yet.”

“When?”

“Well, I don’t know when I’ll be ready to talk about them, but I know it’s not tonight.”

“I see. Well, if it helps, most of mine are from my family. Terrible people. Hope they all burn.” 

“I can’t tell if you’re kidding or not,” Remus said, sadness in his eyes.

“Oh, I’m serious.” He winked. “My so-called mother is a raging bitch. I mean, I’ll never forget the day my brother caught me with some bloke at school, and he wrote my mother immediately. She sent a Howler--I mean, um an announcement to the school, so not only was I further alienated than I already was within my own family, but the whole school knew I fancied blokes. Two birds with one stone.”

“I know what Howlers are, for the record. My dad, he uh, he educated me at home. It’s called home-schooling.” 

“Oh.”

“And, I’m fairly decent at, well you know,” Remus said. Sirius knew he was talking about magic, but his mind was imagining an entirely different scenario in which Remus was more than fairly decent.

Karen brought out their pizza and Sirius grabbed the biggest piece he could find. He took an enormous bite, and his eyes began to water. Remus wondered if Sirius was the kind of man who cried during sex.

“Huh?” Sirius asked between bites.

“I didn’t say anthing?”

“Yeah, you muttered something about sex crying, I heard you.”

“No, I don’t think so.” Remus could feel his face turning red.

“Yeah, probably because this pizza was so hot that it burned my mouth and made my eyes water. I mean if pizza makes me cry, sex must too, huh?” Sirius wiggled his eyebrows.

“Just shut up and eat your pizza.”

“Gladly.”


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since Remus never went to Hogwarts, the Marauders never became the Marauders. Not in the traditional sense, anyway. Don't worry, I made some allusions to their alter egos that they don't even know exist.

The pair finished their pizza in relative silence, which is always the sign of good food and good company. It’s a sign of good company, because there’s something to be said about falling into a comfortable silence. Sirius also believes that it’s important to eat while the food is hot and that it’s okay to save the talking for later. But, once they left the pizza shop, they still didn’t talk much. Of course, it’s difficult to talk when a lifeguard whisks you into a dark alley and sticks his tongue down your throat, but still, Sirius wanted to get to know Remus. There would be plenty of time for snogging afterward. 

Remus broke the kiss. “Sirius, is everything alright?”

“Yeah, why do you ask?”

“Well, I dunno, just doesn’t seem like you’re really into this, is all.”

“No, I am. Just, are you up for a walk? This whole snogging in a dark alley thing is extremely on par with your whole mysterious, bad boy thing, but I--”

“Yeah, come on,” Remus said, backing up to give Sirius enough space to get away from the brick wall he had been pinned against.

“For the record, I’d fancy doing that again.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Remus mused, leading Sirius through a quiet park.

“Definitely. Maybe when I get the feeling back in my tongue,” Sirius said, alluding to the hot-pizza mishap. 

“Right, sorry I didn’t warn you. I mean I knew you hadn’t eaten pizza before, but I figured you still knew about the importance of blowing on your food.” 

“ ‘s not your fault. I’m just impatient when it comes to things like food. I’m a predator and food is my prey...like a wolf going after a cute little bunny rabbit. Ooh! Or a beaver,” Sirius exclaimed.

“So you think I’m a bad boy?” Remus asked, eager to change the subject. 

“Aren’t you? Because, I mean, I thought I was one...up until today at least.”

“I dunno, no one’s ever called me that before,” Remus said, truthfully.

“Also, for the record, I don’t cry during sex.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Remus smirked.

“Okay, now, you can’t go around saying stuff like that and expect people to think you’re not a baddie!” 

***

“OH JAAAAMES!” Sirius called into the darkness of the Potter’s foyer. It was well past midnight, but he knew James was the only one home and wasn’t worried about waking anyone important up. 

“ ‘m in my bed, Black,” James mumbled, barely loud enough for Sirius to hear. 

Sirius looked around. “What, no Evans?”

“We’re taking it slow, dipshit.”

“Okay, well anyway, wake up so I can tell you all about my night.”

“ ‘m awake.”

“I had pizza! ...and I burned my mouth.” 

James snorted, put on his glasses and sat up. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you to blow on hot food? What were you, raised in a pack of dogs?”

“I usually use a cooling charm, but I was in the presence of muggles so I didn’t. Anyway, I didn’t know it would be that hot. And, speaking of hot things, we made out in a dark alley. I mean my tongue is all burned so it wasn’t ideal, but wow, he’s really good at snogging. And then, we went through this park, and he brought me to a clearing where we laid down and looked at the stars. THE STARS, JAMES! I love the stars, he loves the stars, it’s meant to be.”

“Did he make plans to see you again?”

“Yeah, actually. Tomorrow night we’re going on a double date.”

“A double date? Who in their right mind would ever agree to group date with Sirius Black?”

“Aw, James. Sweet, stupid, naive little James. You would. And Evans. We’re all meeting here at 7:00 sharp.”

“You’ve got to be shitting me, Black. Lily and I haven’t even been out on our own yet, there’s no way she’ll want to do this,” James said. 

“Ah, but you see, that’s where you’re wrong. Remus and I called her on the telly and she said she’d love to. Love to. So, you’re doing this.”

“Wait, if you called Lily on the phone, then you had to have known she wasn’t here.”

“Who knows, maybe she used her magic to come over after her parents went to sleep,” Sirius reasoned.

“Fine. Can I sleep now?” James was too tired to argue with Sirius’ stupidity right now.

“Of course you can, dear. Scoot over, give me some room.” Sirius wiggled down, burrowing himself in James’ covers.

“Sirius, you have your own bedroom here, go sleep in there.”

“Sorry, can’t hear you. Sleeping.”

“Why we’re best friends, I’ll never know,” James sighed, rolling over and falling asleep with his glasses on. 

“We’re friends because I’m the star that lights up your life, and you know it.”

“Hmmmph,” James replied, drifting into sleep.


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than the previous three and it has more detail in between dialogue. I'm going to try and pay more attention to detail from now on in order to enhance the story, so if my updates don't happen every two hours, that's why. I want to create something I'm proud of and that I don't look back on two years from now and wonder why people read it in the first place. A lack of grammatical errors means nothing if the content is less than stellar. 
> 
> Also, I'm American and we call them carnivals. I googled it and some of you may know it as a Fun Fair/funfair. I would've written it that way, but it felt weird to me, haha.

“So, you must be the lifeguard,” James said, standing in the doorway and sizing up Remus rather than inviting him inside. 

Remus looked over his shoulder and behind himself before facing James and saying, “Yes, I guess I must be.”

“Right, well, I’m James. The best friend,” James held out a hand for Remus to shake. Thirty seconds in, and he was already skeptical about this bloke. 

James invited Remus inside, offered him a drink, and led him to the parlor. Once they were seated comfortably on separate couches, James decided this was as good a time as any to begin his interrogation. 

“Sirius is my best mate. We’re like brothers--no, we are brothers. I know you all aren’t serious or exclusive right now, and I’m not sure if you’re ever planning to be, but I solemnly swear that if you are up to no good… if you hurt a single hair on his head, you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting it.”

“I don’t want to hurt him,” Remus said, quietly. 

“Good.”

James noticed Remus’ scars. They were everywhere, which made it hard not to notice them. He realized he was staring and looked away, but he couldn’t keep his curiosity at bay. What was this guy doing that caused him this much pain?

“I don’t talk about them,” Remus said a moment later.

“Hmm?”

“The scars. I saw you staring, and I was just letting you know that I won’t tell you how I got them. It’s not your business, anyway.”

James moved his gaze, eyes now trained on his own hands. This guy is quite intuitive. Which, James figured he would be too, if his imperfections were on display for the whole world to see. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stare. That was rude of me, you shouldn’t have to put up with that, so thank you for calling me on it,” James said, truthfully.

“Uh, yeah, no problem.”

“Sirius went to pick up Lily, they’re on their way. I would’ve gone, but Sirius insisted that I stay here. Something about it being bad luck for me to see Evans before our date?” 

Remus chuckled to himself. He hoped that since this was a double date, some of the pressure would be off, and he and Sirius could be more relaxed around each other. Their previous date seemed tense at various points throughout the night. Both of them trying too hard to make a good impression to such an extent that they were tiptoeing around each other. The impending full moon didn’t help either, because Remus knew his temper was short, and he hated rubbing people the wrong way. 

“Jamie, we’re hoooome!” 

“Oi, Black, took you long enough,” James called loudly, so Sirius would be able to follow the sound of his voice. 

“Well, you should’ve seen me trying to explain to Lily’s folks that I’m just a friend from school. Her dad didn’t seem to trust that I wasn’t trying to get into her pants. I mean who could blame him? Look at us!” Sirius put an arm around Lily and pulled her close. 

Remus had to admit, they were both very attractive. Standing the way that they were seemed to amplify their attractive qualities, but they didn’t look like a couple. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry, where are my manners? I’m Lily Evans, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Remus Lupin. You too,” Remus offered her a smile. Lily waved at Remus, returning his smile before walking over to James. James engulfed Lily in a hug, placing a kiss on the top of her head. 

“James didn’t give you too much of a hard time, did he?” Sirius asked, knowingly. 

“No, of course not,” Remus said, not wanting to alienate anyone this early on. Besides, James was sincerely looking out for Sirius--if Remus had a best friend, or a brother, or even just a friend, he was sure he’d be just as protective over them, if not moreso. 

Remus hated that he would never have a normal life. Sure, he’d eaten pizza and he knew a few spells. To anyone in this room, he appeared to have the best of both worlds--muggle and magical, but appearances aren’t everything, only a small percentage of the versions of ourselves we’re willing to share with people. 

“What are the plans for tonight, by the way? All I was told is that you were all meeting at my house at seven, and that it’s a double date,” James said, pulling Remus out of his thoughts. 

“I was thinking we could go to a Carnival,” Remus said. “I mean, it’s pretty fun, but absolutely no magic. Not that I expect you lot to whip out your wands left and right, but some of the games can get frustrating and it may be tempting to help yourself win, but you can’t. I speak from experience. Does not end well.”

“I love carnivals!” Lily exclaimed. James smiled at her excitement. 

Since Remus was the one who knew where the carnival was, and had been to this particular one before, he could therefore visualize it the most clearly and thus led the side-along apparition. Of course, he could visibly tell that the other, professionally trained wizards were skeptical about his skills, but once he assured them that he passed his test and was licensed in the field of apparating, they came to trust him and all was well. The trip went smoothly, not one of the wizards ended up splinched, and they were all pleased with that outcome. However, the volume of sound that was produced by the crack upon their arrival was mistaken for thunder by the muggles who didn’t know any better. So, the rides had to be shut down for a thirty minute period. James and Sirius didn’t seem to mind not being able to immediately get on the rides, though, because, as Remus observed, they were content with gawking at the carnies and the twinkly lights of it all. 

Remus took Sirius by the hand and led him to a food truck where he bought Sirius one of everything and duplicates of only the things Remus knew he himself would eat. 

“Wow, Rem,” Sirius mused, “hungry, are we?”

“Rem?” Remus questioned the nickname, but not because he didn’t like it. “I like it. And, only like three of these things are for me, I got the rest of it for you. Have you ever had deep-fried Oreos before?” 

“Deep fried what now?”

“Exactly,” Remus chuckled. “Remember to let your food cool down first this time.”

Remus kept his chocolatey items and set the rest in front of Sirius. He watched with a happy heart as his date voraciously ate every bit of food Remus got for him--even the deep fried butter, which was sickening to think about. 

“This tunnel cake is delicious,” Sirius said, his mouth coated in powdered sugar. 

“Funnel cake, not tunnel cake. But yes, it is quite good,” Remus agreed, absentmindedly licking his thumb before swiping it along the corner of Sirius’ mouth. He could feel Sirius’ breath hitch and panicked, wondering if he’d gone too far and overstepped his bounds. His heart rate leveled when he saw Sirius grinning at him. He decided it was probably okay, but that he wasn’t going to do it again. He smiled back, and the pair resumed eating as though it had never happened. 

“Let’s go on some rides, now, Rem,” Sirius begged the second he’d finished his mountain of junk food. 

“Yeah, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. People usually don’t go on rides right after eating so much food, because it can end in disaster.”

“Well, then what are we supposed to do?”

Remus sat for a minute, trying to think about something that wouldn’t cause too much upset to Sirius’ stomach. 

“How are you with heights?”

“I play Quidditch for Gryffindor, I’d say I’m more than okay with heights.”

“Follow me,” Remus said, getting all of their trash off of the sticky picnic table and throwing it away before leading Sirius to the Ferris Wheel. 

***

Lily hadn’t been to a carnival since before she was accepted to Hogwarts. She wanted to show James the parts she enjoyed the most, but for some reason, she was having trouble remembering what those parts were. 

“Lils, can we do this?” James asked, pointing to the merry-go-round. 

Lily, smitten with James’ childlike wonderment, said, “Of course we can,” even though she had bad memories of the merry-go-round. They waited in line, and when it was finally their turn, she let James pick the horse he liked best while she settled for a squid that was right beside it. “Petunia pushed me off once. It was still going, and my hair got caught in the mechanism before they had a chance to shut it off. I had to wear it in a pixie cut for months before my hair finally grew back out.” 

James leaned over and took one of Lily’s white-knuckled hands off of the pole. “Squeeze as hard as you can. I won’t let go for anything. You’re safe with me, I promise.”

***

After waiting in a long-ass line for a long-ass time, Remus and Sirius finally got on the Ferris Wheel. They went around and around a few times, before it was time to start reloading and unloading people. Sirius, who had been babbling about the food for the past hour, turned to Remus and smirked. 

“Lupin, you didn’t have to trap me in the air to get me to make out with you. We could’ve done it on the ground. But, seeing as we’re here, do as I say. Put your arm around my shoulders, with your elbow bent off the back, so you can play with my hair at the base of my neck. Then lean over and whisper to me that you can see the stars in my eyes. Go on, then,” Sirius said.

Remus did as Sirius said, and then Sirius’ hand moved to cup Remus’ face and he closed the distance between them. Remus felt the same fire he felt every time Sirius’ lips met his. It was electric. He’d never felt this way with anyone else, and it was scary, but he knew he never wanted to.


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A more Remus-centric chapter with a flashback.

As Remus lay awake in bed that night, he kept thinking back to Sirius’ commanding attitude on the Ferris wheel. Remus wasn’t used to having someone else call the shots for him. It wasn’t that Sirius wore the “pants” in their relationship--they both wore pants. This was something Remus had always attributed to the Wolf side of himself. The fact that Remus was a werewolf wasn’t common knowledge, and not many people were privvy to that information. Over the years, he’d gotten very good at dodging questions and changing subjects. Most people gave up after a while, just assuming that he had mental health issues, or something of the sort. Anyway, Remus’ pants were just more content with being in charge than the pants of his partners in the past, not that there had been many. His past relationships had fizzled after about the second full moon. They didn’t understand why Remus would disappear, or why he refused to tell them where he had been, they just assumed he’d cheated and called it quits. 

***

Remus had taken his schoolwork to the library so he could stay on task better than if he were at home, but his attention kept getting pulled from his lessons. He couldn’t stop glancing from his textbook up to the brown-haired boy by the card-catalog and back to his textbook. He did it at least five times a minute, and he was sure the boy had noticed by this point, because they kept making eye contact. 

Remus finally decided to rip off the band-aid as he closed his books, making his way over to the card-catalog. He didn’t need anything in particular, but he wanted to get closer to this boy. As his eyes swept over the alphebetized inventory, he noticed which letter the boy was searching through. Muttering to himself, Remus said, “M....M...Ah, here it is,” as he purposely reached for the same card as the boy. Their hands touched, and the boy gasped, both of them dropping the card. Remus watched as it fluttered to the floor, neither of them making a move to pick it up. 

“Hello, is there anything I can help you with?” The boy asked, and Remus was momentarily puzzled before he realized this boy worked at the library. 

“Oh, um, I guess I was just looking,” Remus said, new at the whole talking-to-other-people thing. 

“Well, my mother always told me to look with my eyes and not with my hands,” the boy quipped, bending over to pick up the now-bent card they had dropped. Remus noticed the way his bum looked as he picked up the card. 

“Right, mine always said something similar, as well.” 

“If you need anything, my name is Gregory Littlefield, and I’d be more than happy to help.”

Gregory turned to walk away, and Remus watched him. Suddenly he was filled with desire, and he went after Gregory, his body working faster than his brain. 

“Actually,” Remus said huskily, “there is something you could help me with.” 

“I’m all yours,” Gregory said. 

Remus grabbed Gregory by the wrist and led him to one of the private study rooms in the back. Locking the door, Remus turned to Gregory and walked with him until Gregory’s back was against a wall. Grinding his hips into Gregory’s, Remus grew slightly hard from the moan that escaped the shorter boy’s lips. Fisting his hands in Gregory’s hair, Remus crashed his lips onto the other boy’s. Gregory clearly matched his hunger, sliding his hands up the front of Remus’ shirt. Their tongues collided messily, neither of them having done anything like this before. It was impatient and hormone-driven. The sensible side of Remus was screaming at him to stop, reminding him that this was being done without verbal consent, and at the other boy’s place of work. The wolf side wanted to take things further, and before he knew what was happening, Remus had pulled away. They were panting as Remus swept everything off of the desk and onto the floor, helping Gregory sit on top. 

“Is this okay?” Remus asked, hastily as he unbuttoned Gregory’s shirt.

“Yeah,” Gregory could barely get the whole word out before Remus’ mouth met his again. 

Reaching around, Gregory put his hand in Remus’ back pocket and pulled out his wallet. Remus, slightly alarmed, pulled away, not wanting to get robbed. 

Gregory smirked. “Relax, I’m just checking to see if you have a condom… Remus Lupin.”

Remus’ face grew red as he realized he hadn’t introduced himself to this boy. He had to check his ID just to learn Remus’ name, oops. 

“Oh, right, sorry, I’m Remus. And, there’s one behind my library card,” Remus said, tilting Gregory’s head back to expose the skin on his neck.

Gregory snorted, “Behind the library card? How fitting.” 

Remus focused on giving Gregory a hickey instead of fixating on how obvious it was that he’d put a condom behind his library card. 

“Have you ever… before?” Remus asked. Gregory shook his head no. “Me neither. Um...do you have a preference?”

Gregory answered him without words. He let his hands find Remus’ zipper and as he tugged the taller boy’s pants off, he gulped. Remus was...big. He took Remus in his hands and started to give him a hand job, working his hands up and down faster and faster every time Remus moaned. When he could tell Remus was close, he stopped. 

“Go slow,” Gregory said, turning around and getting on all fours. 

Knowing this would’ve gone a lot smoother in virtually any other circumstance, Remus had to exercise a lot of self restraint. He put on the condom, and he did everything he could to prep Gregory. He didn’t want to hurt him--he was so afraid the wolf would hurt him. 

*** 

Remus wanted to take things slow with Sirius. He wanted to build trust with him, so that even if he didn’t tell Sirius about the Wolf, maybe Sirius wouldn’t be so quick to judge him for disappearing. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, especially not Sirius, and as Remus finally drifted off to sleep, he knew, in his heart, that Sirius was a keeper.


	6. 6

Sirius wrote Remus the day after their second date, as he had promised to, but that was a week ago and Remus never wrote back. Sirius was tired of waiting around like a damsel in distress, tiptoeing around his room, waiting for an owl from Remus. He’d waited this long, because he understood that people get busy. He knew Remus had a job and a life outside of their two-date relationship. He also wanted to be the one to recieve the reply directly, and he was afraid that if he left, his parents would intercept it and there would be hell to pay. 

Fed up with how long he’d allowed himself to do what he’d done--waste his time, worry about a boy, not take charge--Sirius decided he would try and catch Remus at work. During his (much needed) shower, he convinced himself that he wasn’t being desperate. He knew that it was better to force Remus to tell him that he didn’t want to see him anymore, than to spend who knows how much longer dwelling on the memory of a guy who simply didn’t fucking care. 

After his shower, Sirius got dressed, and apparated himself to about a block away from Remus’ pool. His plan was to march through the chain-link gate and just wait for Remus to notice him. He wanted Remus to make an effort to talk to him. He didn’t want to fight, he just wanted clarity. 

Sirius looked for Remus everywhere, but to no avail. Remus wasn’t at the pool. He asked another lifeguard if she knew where Remus might be. 

“Oh, he hasn’t been in for a few days, actually. I’m not sure why, he must be sick. Or he’s visiting his grandmother. Although,” she said in hushed tones, “I’m not sure why, but every time he goes to visit her, he comes back looking like he’s been in an accident.”

Sirius, trying to keep himself together, asked the girl if she had Remus’ phone number. She did. So, Sirius thanked her as she walked away, and with a pit in his stomach, apparated to Lily’s house. 

“Lily! Lils, open up, please!” Sirius begged, frantically as he pounded on her front door. 

Lily came running to the door, and as she took in Sirius’ state she didn’t hesitate one second before hugging him. 

“Black, what’s going on? Was it your parents? Is it James, is James okay? Are you--”

“Lily, James is perfectly healthy to my knowledge, and no, it isn’t my parents. It’s Remus. I haven’t heard from him in about a week. So, I went to the pool to see why, and he wasn’t there. Lily, he hasn’t been to work in days. The girl said he could be at his Gran’s, but that every time he goes, he comes back looking like he’s been in an accident. Anyway, I want to make sure he’s okay...could I use your phone please?” 

Lily led Sirius to the phone and she dialed the numbers on the piece of paper that Sirus gave her. “It’s ringing,” she said, handing the phone to Sirius. Sirius was shaking as he held the phone up to his face the way he’d seen Lily do. She decided to stay with him.

“Hello?” asked a voice from the other end.

“Is Remus there?” Sirius asked shakily, barely audible.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t understand you, come again?”

Sirius handed the phone back to Lily, hoping she’d understand.

“Hello?” Lily said into the phone.

“Yes?” the voice asked.

“Hi, sorry about that, I was just calling to see if I could speak with Remus Lupin, please?” 

“And may I ask who is calling?”

“Lily Evans, we work together.”

“Remmy! I have a girl on the phone who would like to talk to you!” shouted the voice. Muffled sounds could be heard, but they were difficult for Lily to make out. Moments later, a gruff, raspy voice asked, “Hullo?”

“Remus?” 

“Yeah, who’s this?” Remus answered, his agitated voice barely there.

“Remus, it’s Lily Evans. I’m calling on behalf of Sirius Black. We just wanted to make sure you were doing alright, and to say that if you need any help, any at all, we’re ready to help in whatever way we can…” She trailed off.

“Did… did you say Sirius?” Remus asked.

“Yes, would you like to speak with him?”

“Please,” Remus croaked out.

Lily handed the phone to Sirius.

“Hey,” Sirius said, his voice curt.

“Listen, I’m sorry I’ve been distant. I’m a little under the weather, but it’s nothing contagious, so if you wanted to come over, you could.”

“Come over?”

“Yeah, like, you can come visit me. At my house. We can talk if you’d like. About most things, but not… not everything.”

“Yes, I’m coming to visit. Where do you live?”

Remus told Sirius his floo password, and Sirius hung up the phone. Turning to Lily, he asked if she would take him to James’ house.

Once at James’ house, Lily checked Sirius to make sure he hadn’t gotten splinched; she was responsibly thoughful like that. Then the pair walked into James’ house, unannounced and uninvited. Sirius made his way to the fireplace, and Lily told him to call if he needed anything, before going to locate her boyfriend. 

*** 

Sirius couldn’t believe his eyes. He was still standing in the Lupins’ fireplace, gawking at the frail shell of a man sitting across from him. 

“Didn’t anyone teach you it’s not polite to stare?” Remus croaked.

“What happened?” Sirius asked, still unable to move closer.

“I told you, I’m a little under the weather.”

“A little? A LITTLE! No, a little under the weather is a few tissues and a cough. You look like the weather sat on top of you and killed you. No offense. But, Rem, what happened?”

Remus motioned for Sirius to come closer. Sirius slowly, somehow, made his way to the couch where Remus was. Looking into Remus’ tired, sparkling eyes, Sirius cupped his hand on the paler boy’s face. 

“Who did this to you?” Sirius asked, his voice angry, solemn, caring, and quiet all at the same time. 

“I have a condition, and every so often, I just get like this.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’m serious.”

“No, I am. You’re sitting here and making up shit. Do you not trust me?”

“It’s not about trust, Sirius.”

“Whoever did this to you… I just don’t understand why you’d rather protect their identity than to tell me what happened. I know how hard it is to talk about shit like this, okay? My fucking parents have destroyed me more times than anyone could keep count. I know how you can blame yourself for it and how you can convince yourself you’ve done something to deserve it, but you haven’t, okay? It’s not your fault. So you can tell me you’d rather not talk about it, but don’t tell me that it’s a condition.”

Remus was quiet for a while, as was Sirius. Eventually, once Sirius’ breathing evened out, Remus placed his hand on top of his visitor’s. 

“I can’t tell you everything. Not yet. I want to, believe me, I do. And I plan to, but for right now, I need you to trust me. And if you want to talk about your parents, you can tell me anything. Nothing you reveal to me about yourself will change the way I look at you. And I know you’re going to be tempted to tell me the same thing, but it’s bigger than just you and just me.”

“So it’s not your grandmother?”

“What?”

“When I was looking for you...the lifeguard who gave me your number said that you could be sick or maybe you were visiting your grandmother again. She said that every time you come back from visiting your grandmother, it looks as though you’ve been in an accident. So, I’m asking you if your grandmother has ever tried to--”

“Sirius,” Remus said gently. “My grandmother would never, ever do anything to hurt anyone. Especially not me. She’s just my cover story.”

“I don’t want to push you, I just want to make sure you aren’t being abused.”

“Sirius, I promise that no person did this to me.” Sirius decided that Remus’ promise would have to do, and that Remus would tell him when he was ready. He moved further away from Remus on the couch, scooting himself all the way down to the opposite end. Then, Sirius pat his lap, inviting Remus to lay down on him. It was entirely innocent. Remus’ head resting in Sirius’ lap, while Sirius played with his hair.

“Rem?”

“Hmm?”

“How come you didn’t write me back?”

“When...this… happens, I get very weak, and I haven’t been able to hold a pen long enough. I wanted to. I’ve been writing to you in my mind nonstop,” Remus said, casually.

“Oh.”

“My dearest Sirius--”

“What are you doing?” Sirius interrupted. 

Instead of giving him a straight answer, Remus simply continued, “I had a wonderful time on our date, and I wouldn’t mind going on another one. However, I will be out of commision for a while, I’m afraid. Nothing to worry about, but if you don’t hear from me, that’s why. I promise I’ll get in touch as soon as I’m able.   
Best, Remus Lupin.”

“Wha--”

“Dear Sirius Black,  
It’s been two days, and I still feel like utter shit. Mum has given me all of the chocolate in the house, but it doesn’t seem to be working the way it used to. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still magnificent, but there’s something else I’d rather have: You. I’m bed-ridden, and I can’t stop thinking about you. I wish you were here to hold me. Don’t think any less of me because of it, as I am still a man.   
Best, Remus Lupin.”

“Rem--”

“Hey, it’s me again. Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking about you. You can write me more than once a week, if you’d like.   
Remus.”

Sirius stopped trying to interrupt.

“Sirius,  
I’m able to sit up now. My throat is still in shreds, but I’d ignore the pain if you were here. I have more scars that I can’t tell you about, but I want you to see them. I like the look in your eyes that you get when you look at my scars. It’s cute.   
Rem.”

Sirius wanted to smile. 

“Sirius,  
Seriously, in the future, you can write me back even if I haven’t responded.  
Remus.”

“I will. Not that I want this to ever happen to you again, but when it does, I will write you letters so long they could be novels. And I can get a muggle phone. So we can talk that way.”

“Come here,” Remus whispered. Sirius bent his head down and Remus met him halfway. The kiss was chaste, and less than two seconds long, but it meant everything to both of them.


	7. 7

It was two weeks after his first visit, and Sirius was not surprised to find himself at Remus’ house most nights a week. He’d wait until Remus was off work and then he would go. They watched a lot of muggle movies when Sirius was over. Remus’ mom was a splendid cook, and Sirius was her best customer. He was worried about overstaying his welcome, but Remus assured him that on the nights Sirius wasn’t there, his parents repeatedly asked where he was or if he planned on stopping by. They enjoyed seeing Remus happy, and Sirius made him happy. 

“Rem, how was work?” Sirius asked, stepping out of the floo, brushing himself off, and meeting his boyfriend on the couch. Sirius kissed Remus’ cheek. 

“Work was the same. A long, sunless day. Not many people came to swim, actually. But, there was a party scheduled, so they couldn’t close up early. How was your day?”

“Oh, I watched James make gooey eyes at Lily for nine hours and then I came here. So it wasn’t great, but it’s getting better. Thanks for asking,” Sirius smiled, kissing his boyfriend. 

Sirius absolutely loved being Remus’ boyfriend. It wasn’t as scary as he thought it’d be. He was shocked by how easily he was able to open up to Remus. He thought that he was incapable of being in a real relationship, but Remus met him where he was, and they took it slowly. Neither one of them wanted to lose what they had. 

“My mum isn’t cooking tonight,” Remus said during their movie du jour.

“Is she sick?” Sirius asked, turning away from The Princess Bride to face Remus.

“No, she and my dad just went out to dinner.”

“Oh, well, good. I’m glad she isn’t sick.”

“Right, me too,” Remus smirked. He was glad his mom was in good health, truthfully. He was just also very amused by how slow his boyfriend could be sometimes. Remus decided to give Sirius a few hints. He put his hand on Sirius’ upper thigh and said nothing. Remus didn’t even shift his gaze from the screen. He felt Sirius’ thigh twitch. He knew that Sirius was looking at him now, but Remus kept his eyes glued on the movie. 

“Wait, a second...they’re not here?” Sirius asked. “They’re not here, but we are, right?” 

“That’s a true statement, babe, yeah.”

Sirius grabbed the remote and paused the movie. Remus finally looked back at him. 

“Rem?” Sirius asked. Remus only briefly squeezed his boyfriend’s thigh before finally removing his hand, grabbing the remote, and pressing play. Sirius rolled his eyes. Did Remus want this or not?

“Wow, it’s quite warm in here tonight. I think I’ll be more comfortable with my shirt off, is that alright?” 

Remus shrugged. 

Sirius leaned over so he could whisper in Remus’ ear, “Don’t worry, I can see that you’re hot too. I’ll help you with that.”

Remus smiled, because Sirius’ game was still as clumsy and awkward as it was when they first met, but he didn’t seem to let it stop him. 

Sirius peeled off his own shirt before moving to sit on his boyfriend’s lap. Straddling Remus, Sirius rolled his hips into those of the boy underneath him. No longer paying attention to the movie, Remus was looking at Sirius with wide eyes. Maybe Sirius knew what he was doing, after all. 

“I want you to kiss me, Remus Lupin.”

Remus, moving a strong arm behind Sirius’ head, pulled his boyfriend closer. Sirius’s hands went into Remus’ hair almost immediately. Before Remus could deepen the kiss, Sirius had taken control, his tongue begging for entrance. Remus refused to give Sirius his way. He wanted to see him beg. Sirius pulled away. 

“Rem, let me kiss you!” he whined.

“Lay down.” Remus ordered. He liked letting Sirius take control, but Remus wanted to be in charge this time. 

Sirius flopped off of Remus and laid back on the couch. Remus ran his hands over his boyfriend’s bare torso. Sirius got goosebumps when Remus’ hands brushed his nipples. Smirking, Remus moved his mouth to Sirius’ ear. “I thought you were hot? What’s with the goosebumps babe?”

“Remus Lupin, I swear on Merlin’s beard, that if you don’t stop teasing me, I won’t put out,” Sirius whined, half joking, half terrified that they weren’t ready for this yet. 

“Ah, well, fair enough. Some other time then.” Remus teased, making a move to get off of Sirius.

“Wait,” Remus stopped moving. Sirius continued, “just...I want this. I want you. And I want the first time to be special, not rushed. I don’t want to worry about your parents walking in on one of us cock deep in the other. I want it to mean something other than we’re alone and horny. I mean, we haven’t even talked about this yet.”

“You’re right we haven’t,” Remus answered, finally getting off of his boyfriend. Sirius sat up, facing Remus.

“I mean, like… I’m assuming you’re not a virgin, because, well, look at you. You’re totally fuckable,” Sirius winked. “And, just being honest, I’m not either. And I think that’s okay. I think it’s okay to wait, because at the end of the day, we’re choosing each other. We’re waiting for each other.”

“I agree. And I’m just going to let you know right now that my sex drive increases tenfold in the days leading up to my tr--uh, my thing. So, don’t ever feel pressured to do anything with me, okay? I’d never want to force you into doing anything you weren’t ready for. . But, Sirius?”

“Yes?”

“Are you a top or a bottom?” Sirius snorted at his boyfriend’s question. 

“I’m a top,” Sirius answered. 

“Bloody hell, so am I,” Remus said, his mouth suddenly very dry. 

“Alright, now I have a question,” Sirius said.

“Naturally,” Remus answered. 

“I mean, I can be flexible, but uh… how flexible would I have to be, exactly?” 

“Sirius, are you asking me how big my dick is?”

“Yes, yes I am.” 

“Well...it depends.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“My um… for lack of a better word, condition, affects the answer to your question. You see, before shit happens, I’m way bigger than I am after shit happens.”

This was why Sirius loved Remus (not that he’s ready to say things like that out loud yet). He loved him, because Remus uses words like “tenfold” and then five seconds later he uses phrases like “shit happens” and thinks that it’s descriptive enough. 

“When are you going to...never mind, I’m sorry,” Sirius stopped himself from asking Remus, because he wanted Remus to tell him on his own terms, not on anyone else’s. 

“No, it’s… it’s okay. I think I’m ready to tell you,” Remus said.

“Are...are you sure?”

“You have to promise me you won’t tell anyone else. Not even Lily and James.”

“I swear, I won’t.”

“And I don’t want you to be disgusted with me, but if you are, I understand.”

“Rem, nothing you could tell me would ever make me feel differently about you.”

“It’s just, the only people who know are...well, they knew without me having to tell them. Um...and it’s why I didn’t go to Hogwarts. Because it wasn’t safe.”

“Hogwarts is safe, Rem. Trust me,” Sirius said.

“It wouldn’t be if I was there.”

“What? Why not?”

Remus got up from the couch and went across the room. He turned his back to Sirius, afraid of seeing his reaction. “Because...I’m...I’m a werewolf.”

“No shit?” Sirius asked, still sitting on the couch. 

“No shit.”

“Is that it, then?” Sirius asked.

“What?”

Sirius got up from the couch and made his way over to his boyfriend. He gently put his hand under Remus’ chin, tilting up his boyfriend’s head so that Remus would have no choice but to look into Sirius’ eyes. 

“You don’t have to tell me how it happened or anything. Thank you for trusting me, though. And, I won’t tell anyone. But, Rem?”

“Yeah?”

“You could totally go to Hogwarts, if you wanted. I mean, you don’t have to, but they’d take care of you. I’d take care of you, too. Not that I’m like asking you to move in with me, or anything, but we’ve had an empty bed in our dorm since year one that I’m pretty sure would’ve been yours, actually. But, you haven’t been sorted, so maybe I’m wrong.” Sirius stopped babbling when he noticed that Remus had tears rolling down his face.

“I can’t. I’ve always wanted to, but I can’t. I don’t want to risk everyone’s life by being there. It’s too dangerous.”

“Okay, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. It was just an idea.” Sirius comforted Remus, wrapping his arms around the crying boy. 

They had since calmed down, and were snuggled against each other while watching Mary Poppins, which really intrigued Sirius, as he found the film’s portrayal of magic whimsical and utter rubbish. Remus noticed when his boyfriend’s spirited comments were exchanged for soft snores. He’d also noticed long before their first date that Sirius had a problem sleeping. The bags under his eyes rivaled those sported by Remus after a full moon. So, instead of waking Sirius up and sending him home, Remus carried him upstairs to his bedroom. 

***

The next morning, Remus woke up before his work alarm so he could turn it off without waking Sirius. Sirius had spent the night in Remus’ bed, but they hadn’t slept together. I mean, they had, but it was strictly sleeping, no sex. Anyway, Sirius looked so peaceful, and Remus knew he hadn’t slept in ages, so he didn’t want to wake Sirius up. His plan to let Sirius sleep, however, was short lived. 

Sirius shot up in bed, panting heavily, tears streaming down his face. 

“Woah, Sirius, what’s wrong?” Remus asked, climbing back onto his bed to get to his boyfriend.

“Nightmare,” Sirius gasped in-between his tears. He collapsed into Remus’ chest, sobbing. 

“Does this happen often?” Remus asked, rubbing his boyfriend’s back, trying to soothe him. It took Sirius a while to calm himself down, but Remus didn’t mind waiting for his boyfriend to repond.

“Yeah, actually. I haven’t slept the way I did last night in probably nine years.”

“Nine years?” Remus asked, incredulously.

“You heard correctly.”

“But--do you want to talk about it?”

“No. You’re going to be late for work,” Sirius said, quietly.

“I’ll call in,” Remus answered, simply.

“No, I don’t want to be the kind of person who keeps you from living. I’m fine. Really. Go to work,” Sirius begged.

“Too late, I’ll be right back.” Remus left his bedroom and made his way to the kitchen. He picked up the phone and called in to work. “I’m sorry, I can’t make it in today, I forgot I have an appointment,” Remus lied. His manager said they understood, and Remus apologized again before hanging up. He grabbed some chocolate and a bag of crisps--breakfast of champions--before heading back up to Sirius. “I’m not going to work. You don’t have to tell me, but I’ll be here all day in case you want to.” Remus handed Sirius the snacks that he brought, and went over to his closet, wanting to change out of his uniform. He stripped himself of his muscle tank and the matching swim shorts before bending over to pick up his sweatpants and an old Ramones t-shirt off of the floor. 

“Well, I’ve told you about my parents, right?”

“Right,” Remus said, jumping on his bed next to Sirius.

“When I was younger, they’d...they would curse me. Like, if I got into trouble, or if I made a mess, they’d use the cruciatus curse on me. Quite frequently. And if I’d let them near me anymore, they’d probably do worse. But I’m better at hiding from them now. Anyway, I still have nightmares about it.”

“Sirius--” Remus felt his heart breaking.

“Don’t. I’m sure your transformations are way more painful than that ever was.”

“Hey, look at me,” Remus said. “Never say that again. We both have to deal with painful shit. Don’t invalidate yours because of mine, okay? You’re allowed to hurt.”

“But--”

“I mean it, babe. Don’t do that to yourself.” Remus said. 

“O-okay.” Sirius agreed. 

“So what was different about last night?” Remus asked.

“What do you mean?”

“You seemed to be pretty sound asleep until this morning.”

“Oh. Well, yeah.”

“Do you know why? What changed?” Remus asked. 

“Um, well, when you got up, when you left, your warmth was gone. I couldn’t feel your arms around me anymore. You were protecting me last night, but when you got up, I was vulnerable. I was alone.”

Remus didn’t know what to say. He leaned in to kiss Sirius’ forehead. “I’m sorry,” he said, finally. 

***

“Rem, that’s my shirt. Where’d you get it?” Sirius asked, noticing after three hours that Remus was wearing one of his shirts. 

“Really? You didn’t notice until now?” Remus asked with a smile, shaking his head. 

“Sorry that I focus more on your brains than your beauty?” Sirius rolled his eyes. 

“I got it off of my floor this morning, babe. You’re wearing my shirt, what did you expect me to wear?”

“I’m not mad. It looks nice on you. Better than it does on me, that’s for sure.”

“Hey,” Remus warned.

“No, I’m serious. Fuck, I hate it when I do that,” Sirius said. Remus laughed.

“Sirius, you look good in everything, don’t try to act like you don’t.”

“Oh yeah? Well, go on then, I want a list of all the things I look good in.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“I absolutely am not.”

“You’re lucky I l--like you,” Remus stuttered. His face turned red when he realized what he’d almost said. And, it was true. He loves Sirius, but they’re nowhere near ready to say that out loud yet. “Okay, well, you look good in my shirts. And you look good in those jeans that you like to wear when we go out. You know, the impossibly tight ones that rival chastity belts? And you look good in joggers and in your swimming kit. Not to mention how you look when you’re over and it’s begun to rain so you come up here and pick the same sweater every time--because it rains so bloody much--and you come back downstairs with it on and you look so cozy…” Remus had a faraway look in his eyes. 

“Do you know why I always pick that one?”

“What?” Remus asked, bringing himself back to reality. 

“That sweater. The brown one with your name sewn into the collar. I pick it every time, because it’s your favorite, which by extension makes it my favorite. I know it’s your favorite, because it’s never on a hanger. It’s always draped over the back of the chair at your desk, which means you wear it too often to justify hanging it up. And it’s the only item of clothing you own with your name in it, which means that you don’t want to lose it. And it’s the color of chocolate, which you absolutely adore. And it smells like you. It smells so much like you, that when I first put it on, I had to look toward the door, because I thought you had come into the room.”

Remus didn’t say anything, he just smiled at his boyfriend and kissed him gently on his soft lips, because he didn’t want to ruin the pure emotion that Sirius had just released into the room with words.


End file.
